A Gory Furuba Demise
by XXforget-x-me-x-notXX
Summary: And then one day, Akito decided to kill them all. With a song. Wait, what?


**Random and slightly pointless introduction: **This is a very, very random story. Has anyone heard the song "A Gory Demise"? Well, listen to it while reading this. It's on youtube.

It's a hilarious song. So great, really. I could totally imagine Akito singing this.

By the, all the bold is the song. As in not mine.

**Warning: **Slight violence and mild swearing. So ha.

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(Akito, Ayame, Hatori, Hatsuharu, Kagura, Kureno, Kisa, Ritsu, Hiro, Rin, Kana, Kyo, Kazuma, Momiji, Saki, Momo, Kimi, Ren, Shigure, Tohru, Arisa, and Yuki are all sitting around a table.)

Akito: **All right, everybody sit down, quiet down, listen up. I brought you all here to recite the annual obituaries. Like every year, we'll start with A and we'll end with Z. **

Shigure: But no one died...

Akito: _Yet_. Alright, here we go!

Akito (singing): **A is for Ayame, who drowned in a pool**

Ayame: Hey, I didn't die!

Akito: Of course you didn't. (suddenly Ayame is in a snow globe, drowning) But now you did!!! MWAHAHAHA!

Akito (singing): **B is for Hatori, who was eaten by ghouls**

Hatori: My name doesn't start with a B!!

Akito: I DON'T CARE!! ATTACK, GHOULS!!!

Ghouls: (eat hatori)

Akito: (singing) **C is for Hatsuharu, with disease of the brain**

Hatsuharu: Wait, wait, wait, my name begins with an H!

Akito: I couldn't find characters for some of the letters, okay!?!?!? GET OFF MY BACK!!!

Hatruharu: Huh? (suddenly drops dead)

Akito: What? I didn't want to go through all the trouble JUST TO FIT THE SONG.

Akito (singing): **D is for Kagura, derailed on a train**

Kagura: Do you not know how to spell, Akito? I could teach you!

Akito: I KNOW HOW TO SPELL!!! THERE'S NO ONE IN FRUITS BASKET THAT I COULD THINK OF WHO'S NAME STARTED WITH D!!! JEEZ, WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP?!?!?!

Kagura: (is on a train that then derails)

Akito (singing): **E is for Kureno, who was buried alive**

Kureno: But... My name...

Akito: (has a giant shovel and a twitch in her eye) Get in the hole in the ground, Kureno. Hee hee.

Kureno: Okay! (climbs in and is buried alive)

Akito (singing): **F is for Kisa, who was stabbed through the eye**

Kisa: Akito, we've all decided to send you back to school.

Akito: I KNOW HOW TO FREAKING SPELL I JUST DON'T CARE!!!! (stabs Kisa in the eye) Ah, that's better.

Hiro: HEY!!

Akito (singing): **G is for Ritsu, who died in the womb**

Akito: Your death was the hardest one to figure out how to imitate.

Ritsu: OH, I'M SO SORRY I CAUSED YOU ALL THIS TROUBLE!!! I'M SO, SO, SO SORRY!!!

Akito: Shut up, no one cares. (hits Ritsu on the head repeatedly with the shovel she used to bury Kureno)

Akito (singing): **H is for Hiro, who was sealed in a tomb**

Hiro: Say what?

Akito: BE HAPPY I GOT YOUR NAME RIGHT!!!!! PEOPLE WON'T STOP GIVING ME CRAP ABOUT THAT!!!!

Hiro: Uh-huh.

Akito: (points to a tomb with the shovel) Go in there.

Hiro: Um, no?

Akito: (knocks Hiro out with the shovel that is stained with blood and then seals him in the tomb)

Akito (singing): **One By One, We Bite The Dust **(twitch, twitch)

**We Kick The Bucket And Begin To Rust**

**Give Up The Ghost When Your Number's Up**

**We All Fall Down **(manic laughter)

**Ashes To Ashes, Bones To Paste**

**You'll Wither Away In Your Resting Place**

**Eternity In A Wooden Case**

**We All Fall Down**

Yuki: We're all gonna die. Oh, great.

Kyo: Yeah, well, your name is at the end of the alphabet.

Yuki: Haha, stupid cat. Haha.

Akito (singing): **I is for Isuzu, who lost her front brakes**

Rin: No. No. I don't even drive.

Akito: Yeah, I know. Do I look like I care? (pulls out shotgun and shoots Rin in the heart) I just decided to kill you like that instead.

Akito (singing): **J is for Kana, who was bitten by snakes**

Kana: My name doesn't begin with J.

Akito: I HATE YOU!!! AYAME'S EX-MINIONS, ATTACK!!!

Kana: (is bitten by over a million snakes)

Akito: Ha.

Akito (singing): **K is for Kyo, who was shot in the head**

Yuki: Yes! Yes!! Finally!! Victory!!

Kyo: WHAT!?!?!

Akito: DIE, KITTY!!!!! (shoots Kyo in the head)

Kyo: Dammit. (dies)

Akito (singing): **L is for Kazuma, who bled and bled**

Kazuma (Shishou): Uh, at least I die right after Kyo?

Akito: STOP WITH THE TALKING WHEN I'M ABOUT TO KILL YOU!!! (stab, stab, stab)

Akito (singing): **M is for Momiji, who burned to a crisp**

Momiji: Whaaaat? nooooo...

Akito: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! (throws Momiji in a fire)

Akito (singing): **N is for Saki, who was pummeled by fists**

Saki: I'm the undead. You cannot kill me.

Akito: Wanna bet? (tons of sumo wrestlers come out and kill Saki Hanajima)

Yuki: Wow, Akito really planned this out.

Shigure: I'll say!

Akito (singing): **O is for Momo, who lived life too fast**

Yuki: But Momo's a little kid.

Akito: DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?!??!?! (kills Momo) Crap, I'm running out of characters that aren't really really small characters...

Akito (singing): **P is for Kimi, who swallowed some glass**

Yuki: (protesting) You don't even know her, though. You never meet her in the series.

Akito: I don't care, she's annoying.

Kimi: Kimi is not annoying!!

Akito: Yes, you are. (shoves glass down her throat)

Akito (singing): (twitching like crazy- which she is- at this point) **Laa laa laa laa laa laa laa laa la la la... Laa laa laa laa laa laa laa laa la la la... Laa laa laa laa laa laa laa laa la la la.**

**One By One, We Bite The Dust **(more manic laughter)

**We Kick The Bucket And Begin To Rust**

**Give Up The Ghost When Your Number's Up **(eye twitch)

**We All Fall Down**

**Ashes To Ashes, Bones To Paste**

**You'll Wither Away In Your Resting Place **(insane grin)

**Eternity In A Wooden Case**

**We All Fall Down**

Tohru: What's wrong with Akito?

Shigure: She's crazy.

Akito (singing): **Q is for Manabe, who took the wrong trail**

Yuki: He's not even here.

Akito: Exactly, I gave him the wrong directions. About now, he should be in quick sand.

Yuki: (sigh) And I have to be the second to last one...

Akito (singing): **R is for Ren, who rotted in jail**

Shigure: How are you doing that one?

Akito: Ren has been locked in the cat's room for a week, no food or water. Mwahaha.

Shigure: ...The letter after R is S isn't it?

Akito: (manic laughter)

Akito (singing): **S is for Shigure, who was shot with a bow**

Shigure: AHHH!!! (runs away)

Akito: (manic laughter again) Not fast enough!! (catches Shigure and stabs him with an arrow)

Yuki: That's not being shot, Akito.

Akito: I DON'T CARE!!!!!! WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS ASSUME THAT I CARE?!?!?!?

Yuki: T is next. Oh no. MISS HONDA, RUN!!!

Tohru: Whaaaaat? (airhead)

Yuki: NOW!!!!

Tohru: Okay! (runs)

Akito (singing): **T is for Tohru, who froze in the snow**

Akito: You did just what I wanted, Yuki. She ran into a blizzard. And froze.

Yuki: Damn.

Akito (singing): **U is for Uo-tani, who was trampled by hooves**

Uo-tani: (snaps) Oh no you didn't.

Akito: Oh yes I did. RIN'S EX MINIONS, ATTACK!!!! (horses come out of nowhere and trample Uo-tani)

Yuki: We're the only ones left. You are you gonna kill now?

Akito (singing): **V is for Tohru, who fell off a roof**

Yuki: Tohru's dead, remember?

Akito: (revives Tohru and shoves her off a roof)

Akito (singing): **W is for Tohru, who was hit by a car**

Yuki: She's dead.

Akito: (revives Tohru in the middle of the road and Tohru gets hit by and ice-cream truck)

Yuki: ...Right.

Akito (singing): **X is for Ren and Tohru, who sunk in the tar**

Yuki: I'd say that they're both dead, but apparently you can defy nature.

Akito: Well, duh, I'm God! (revives Ren and Tohru and sinks them in tar)

Yuki: (sigh) My turn.

Akito (singing):**Y is for Yuki, who fell from a plane**

Yuki: Fell from a... Wait, _what?_

Akito: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!! (they are both suddenly in a plane)

Yuki: Ohhhhh no.

Akito: Oh YES!!! (shoves Yuki out of the plane)

Yuki: SPLAT!

The voices in Akito's head (singing): **Z is for Akito, who simply went... Insaaane**

Akito: NOOOOOOOOO!!!! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE SONG!!!!! DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!!! (is dragged away by the very nice men with the very big net, aaalll the way to the insane asylum)

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Tell me what you thought!! Meaning, review, please!

Am I insane? I think so.

Is Akito insane? What kind of a question is that?? (Ironically, I love Akito)

Ha. I'm so screwed up.


End file.
